If there is any area in your life, you do not feel fulfilled, where you feel angry, frustrated, guilty or any of these negative emotions, it eventually boils down to you not having one of these needs accounted for. You do not hate your job because of your boss, or your spouse because of their attitude; it’s because in that relationship you lack in one of these areas.
The first human need is the need for Certainty. This affects how much risks we take, the kind of risks we take, in our jobs, our relationships and investments. It causes us to consider the future and how our decisions affect it.It’s a survival mechanism and the higher your need for certainty, the less risk you’ll be willing to take or emotionally bear. By the way, this is where your real “risk tolerance” comes from.
Do you like surprises? If you answered “yes,” you’re kidding yourself! You like the surprises you want. The ones you don’t want, you call problems! Still, our need for variety enables us to travel the world and see new places, new things, new foods and experiences. Much of our most exciting and joyous times come from times we felt variety.
Everyone wants to feel significant like if we were not here, it would have a genuine and real impact in the world around us. So we satisfy this need by making vast amounts of money, collecting accolades or degrees, building a giant following on Instagram, getting piercings and tattoos all over our body. Even by having more problems than anyone else, like the who boasts how much more work her child is than someone else.
Significance is also a money maker—that’s where my dear friend Steve Wynn has made his fortune. The man who made Las Vegas what it is today knows people will pay for anything they believe is “the best,” anything that makes them feel special, unique or important, anything that makes them stand out from the crowd. He provides the most exclusive, luxurious experiences imaginable in his casinos and hotels—they are truly magnificent and unmatched in the world.
Love & Connection
Next, is Love and Connection. We desire relationships, even the introverted, who denies it desires to love and be loved. When we love completely, we feel alive, but when we lose love, the pain is so great that most people settle on connection, the crumbs of love. You can get that sense of connection or love through intimacy, or friendship, or prayer, or walking in nature. If nothing else works, you can get a dog.
Nature is an excellent indicator that if you are not growing, you are dying. As soon as a plant stops growing, it’s because it is dying or dead. If a relationship, your business, your mind and even your body is not growing, it’s because in that area of your life you are dying. I believe the reason we grow is so that we can have something to contribute.
Contribution is one of the most powerful human needs; when we give something precious and useful, we often can’t help but feel alive. Think about it, what’s the first thing you do when you get good or exciting news? You call somebody you love and share it. Sharing enhances everything you experience.
Life is really about creating purpose and meaning; fulfilment will not come from what you get but actually what you can give.