Becoming Influential | Dale Carnegie

Don’t Criticise Condemn or Complain

World famous psychologist B.F. Skinner proved that an animal rewarded for good behaviour would learn much faster and retain what it learns far more efficiently than an animal punished for bad behaviour.

Since then, further studies have shown that this same principle applies to humans as well: Criticizing others doesn’t yield anything positive.

We aren’t able to make real changes by criticising people, and we’re instead often met with resentment. It’s important to remember that when dealing with people, we’re dealing not with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion, who are motivated by pride and ego.

Give Honest and Sincere Appreciation

The only way to get someone to do anything is with them wanting to do it, so what do they want?

There are a lot of things that people want, but one of our deep-rooted desires of the heart is the desire to feel valued & important.

This is why honesty and sincere appreciation is so powerful in a world where it is rarely used. We spend so much time thinking about ourselves, that if someone shows us gratitude and not just cheap flattery but heartfelt appreciation it can completely alter our whole perception of them, improve our motivation and be a driving force for success.

Flattery comes from the tongue; appreciation comes from the heart.

Create desire in the other person

If you love sweet potato pie, would you use that as bait for your hook when you go fishing? That would be ridiculous, just because you like pie, doesn’t mean the fish will. The fish like worms, give them what they want.

To convince someone to do something, we have to frame it in terms of what motivates them. And to do that, we have to be able to see things from their point of view as well as our own. Put aside your thoughts, opinions and wants, and see what their perspective is, then you can serve them with something in their best interest.